Holistic Feathers

Love and relationships

There are so many emotions in a human mind. We feel loss, pain, loneliness, deception, insecurities, happiness, balanced, confused, confident, positive, negative and so on.

We feel these emotions all on our own … then we add a relationship to those emotions and it really does become challenging to say the least. We not only have to learn to identify and understand our own inner workings but now we have to try and understand someone else’s emotions. No wonder relationships are difficult and hard to maintain.

In order for a relationship to be successful both partners have to be on the same page … by that I mean you should both be compatible in thoughts, desires, and mutual respect.

Beware of the differences in personalities and goals.

Sure, there are a few differences that we can and do end up working out together and are manageable. Those are what I would label as minor. The red flag differences are what make a relationship unbalanced and they are extremely difficult and wearing on ones self-worth and self-esteem. It takes consistent acceptance, unconditional love and a very laid back, tolerant personality to be able to deal with an unbalanced relationship.

If you chose to enter into a relationship and know that this potential partner is very different from yourself … then you better be prepared for a long life of giving into that person’s whims and conditions.

Remember this rule of thumb: ‘Think before you act’ or this one ‘Learn by your mistakes”. These should be treated as hindsight especially when we are beginning a new relationship.

If I have learned one thing about relationships and people, they never put their thoughts before their hearts. It is as though whoever thought up the saying, ‘Love is Blind’ had been there and done that way before mankind. Love is Blind and it also has been a catalyst for murder, suicide, and self destruction. Love is one of the strongest and controlling emotional traps to be caught up in.

Love can be as pleasurable as the sweetest gift or as painful as the deepest cut.

Love can blind you from what is not seen and what is bad, only showing you good and what you want to see, that is why love is so powerful!  It is somewhat of a double edged sword … that is why we must treat it like a field of mines … walking ever so gently and being ever so aware of hidden dangers and red flags!

In saying that, the questions that come up are … how does one avoid the blinders of love and how does one maintain a successful relationship?

-We must teach ourselves and our children to think before we act.
-We must look beyond the need for company, security, sex, passion, body image ect.
-We must really get to know a person and test the relationship. (I am not referring to games here … I am talking about testing another persons thoughts and actions)
-We must also think about life without that person and know that they are not what is going to keep you breathing.
-We must allow for personal space … this is a vital part of a relationship remaining strong and free.
- Guilt should never be a tool to gain affection. No-one should ever be put in a position of feeling like they are suppose to do this or that out of guilt.
-We must realize that tomorrow will come and that we are making a vital choice in the decision of committing to a life with this person.
-We must learn that patience is a definite virtue and that all good things DO come to those who wait.
-We are the only ones responsible for our own happiness … to expect our partners to be responsible is totally wrong and will only result in your being disappointed over and over again.
-We must accept our partner as a individual who has the right to make choices and decision as you do.
-We must love who we are before we can assume we love another person.
-We must TRUST … without trust, we close the first door to loving freely.
-We must learn to listen and take time to reply or react. Without hearing how can we communicate or converse effectively.

People are all different, we reach out for different reasons, we make choices for different reasons, we endure abusive relationships for different reasons and we interpret the importance of our own personal selves differently.

Where we do not differ, is in the suffering of those bad choices, the personal turmoil we experience in a loss of a relationship for whatever reason and the abuse we continue to accept in hopes for a change in our relationship.

We also do not differ in the fact that we all have been born with the freedom of thought. We are all clearly equal in the fact that we can control our own thoughts just as we control our bodily functions.
Some of us are not taught to be individuals and that we must learn later in life. The fact remains the same … we all have the ability to choose from right and wrong.

I have set the stage for you, now it is up to you to carry the play out in which ever part you choose to play!

(c) Dorothy L.
www.womensselfesteem.com